FashionAvenger

Age discrimination is often thought of as a one dimensional problem; but truly it is a door that swings both ways.  Across space and time, I think this problem is another one of our human inclinations that is a difficult to suppress.  Through personal experience, exposure to media, and classic literary archetypes, the young belittle the old and the old belittle the young.  Some things we seem to forget is that we were all once young people making mistakes, and that someday we will all get older (and still make mistakes).  One way to combat a negative urge is to first be aware of it, and second to analyze a situation to see whether your feelings are based on a bias or if there is a real underlying problem.

I always thought, “I’ll never be like that, I am always going to be balanced and fair,” but it is not that easy.  I don’t qualify yet as “older” (unless you ask a tween) but I already look at the younger generation and shake my head.  Going to the movies, and seeing large, boisterous, and annoying groups of tween and teen boys and girls gets my blood boiling some times.  I think “I was NEVER that obnoxious when I was their age, I would never dress like that, where are their parents?!”  Instead of looking at our past with 20/20 vision, I think maybe it’s a little more myopic, rose-colored, and filled with self righteousness.   We were all young, we didn’t bypass that age or stage.  I don’t care if you were an Eagle Scout, did all your homework, or got perfect attendance;  when you are young, you are physiologically more impulsive, vulnerable, naive and sometimes stupid (adulthood doesn’t always cure these things either).  We need to give our young people a little more benefit of the doubt.  Its tough being young and having adults look down their nose at you, while simultaneously giving you more and more responsibility (while you still have no real autonomy to speak of).  Give them a break, it’s hard learning to be an adult (I am still working on it myself).

Conversely, it is also well known that most young people (especially in the teen years) resent, discredit, and feel misunderstood by most adults.  They think older folks are ancient, crusty, immune to new ideas, and losing their “edge.”  We will all get older; that is one of the ‘constants’ in our existence, time always marches forward.  It is a real shame that “respecting your elders” is a virtue that has been thrown to the side; though it is old-fashioned-sounding it is really very valid.  Life experience is irreplaceable and the older generations are a wealth of knowledge, observation, and life-lessons (as you tend to accrue these while aging).  Wisdom is learned through careful practice and humility and it takes decades to build-up, that deserves some respect.  Young people really need to slow it down and realize that most adult actions are taken with consideration for the bigger picture.  As a teen, I often jumped to the conclusion that the reprimands and limits my parents doled-out were simply to punish me, because they didn’t understand me and just wished to demonstrate their control.  Having added a few more years under my belt, I am now realizing why they did these things; they were trying to protect me, sometimes from myself.  Respect your elders (no matter how old you may be yourself), as they likely have something to teach you.

In the workforce we can use these age discrepancies to our advantage; if we use the right mindset.  Older folks can offer info on techniques/methods/ideas they have experienced before (and whether or not they succeeded or failed).  And “youngins” can offer a fresh perspective on a technique/method/idea and come up with unique un-biased solutions, as they have may have no previous experience on the particular subject.  If we harness the power in these differences, everybody wins.

Young People: Accept that the older generations know more than you on any given subject; instead of arguing or power-playing, learn all you can from them, it will help you in the long run.

Older People: Give the young people a chance; hear them out on their wacky new ideas, they might just have a keeper.  Remember you were once young and ambitious too and cut them a little slack.

I heard a really good sermon the other week (well most of it, before my child started patting our neighbors, throwing toys, and screeching, at which point, we had to excuse ourselves) on integrity.  The pastor made some really provocative points.   One of them being that “integrity” is something we all think we have in spades, without giving too much thought to the meaning of the word, which is: ‘doing what is right, no matter what the cost may be.’

Have you ever lied or lied by omission to serve your own purposes?  To get that job you wanted, the raise, a friendship, favor with your spouse, come out ahead financially, etc?  In defined terms, this would be compromising your integrity; which at some point, I am sure all of us have accidentally (or purposefully) done, while maintaining in our minds that we have the utmost personal integrity.

His other big point was that we are much more concerned with the integrity of others than of ourselves.  It is our human inclination and it serves up the most titillating gossip and entertaining blogs, tv shows, newspaper articles (what’s a “newspaper” anyways?), etc.  We may be more incensed and outraged by Angelina Jolie’s lack of integrity in the latest “She stole Brad” article at the grocery store, than to take a look at ourselves and realize that maybe pretending Suzy didn’t just steal that hand-bag, because we value her friendship, rather than confronting her about it, was wrong.   This second point makes us all hypocrites.  At the end of the day, we just need to commit to putting in our best effort, because we are all likely to fail at some point.  And it is often easier to see our neighbor’s faults before examining our own.

That said, true integrity also means extending your integrity into your personal relationships.  Having integrity often times means being “the bad guy” or “having the unpopular view.”  It is something I doubt many out there are willing to do day in and day out.  We are undervaluing the importance of doing what we know is right.  If you truly love yourself and your friends you cannot be afraid to tell them when you think they are wrong about something important.  Even if it’s hard, even if it means you lose their friendship.  If you have their best interests at heart, how can you stand by and watch someone crash and burn (or hurt someone), without trying to offer them an olive branch or some help?  It would be easier to just pretend nothing was wrong and go about your business.

Doing something you know is wrong can be so tempting in certain situations.  That is why so much of our world struggles with the burden of addiction.  I have never been to an intervention or a rehabilitation facility, but I am betting that part of their message is about being honest with yourself and holding yourself accountable.  Maybe the economy wouldn’t be scraping bottom if more people had the courage to protect “integrity,” maybe a lot of things would be different, maybe the world would be a happier place.

Have the guts to stand up for what you know is right, no matter what the cost.  Every person has the power to make a difference.

Be brave.

The “F” word is a controversial subject, to be sure.  A few days ago I posted a mini rant on FaceBook about how tired I was of seeing the “f” word typed out on people’s posts and comments.  I didn’t really go into a lot of detail, because I didn’t want to make it too long.  As it turns out, FB is not the best platform for relaying a somewhat philosophical stream of consciousness.

I definitely hit a few nerves and got some sarcastic responses, which I expected.  That’s ok.  But before you jump to any conclusions, hear me out.

Firstly, I would like to point out that most people on FaceBook easily have hundreds of “friends.”  This would definitely qualify as “mixed” company; these “friends” come from all different backgrounds and generations (they could be parents, kindergarten teachers, locker buddies, etc).  So I find it a bit surprising and a little offensive to see the “F” word typed out all the time.  Its one thing if it is your own post and your friends know your affinity for expletives, but quite another if you post it on someone else’s comments section, not knowing if their sweet grandma will read it, and especially if it is for something as ridiculous as “That f$#%ing movie is awesome!”  Seriously?

Anyhow, the whole thing got me thinking about the state of things in our world and the moral relativism of today, and how we are very lax about being respectful and trying to be our best selves.  It is very chic to be “flawed”, which you can easily see in almost all of the protagonists on any primetime show on TV.  I am amazed what the FCC allows to be broadcasted during the hours when impressionable minds are most likely to watch.  We all know the curse words, especially our youth, but do we need to slap it into everyone’s face everyday in such a casual way?

Don’t get me wrong, I have not achieved sainthood in this department.  I have cursed, I have used “the word,” I have laughed at it too; and I am disappointed in myself for not using better verbal judgment and restraint.  The “F” word can be a big stress reliever; because of the power we allow it to hold.  A bad day at work might be a little less stressful, if we vent it out.  If you drop something heavy on your foot, you might feel a little less pain by belting it out.  In a well-timed situation, it can be really funny.  But shouldn’t we try a little harder to be more high-brow?

We can’t change the inherent meaning the word holds; it’s been around too long, so take that argument out of your arsenal.  It’s understood, and to quote ‘Sally Albright’ “It’s already out there.”

So when in Rome, don’t do as the Romans do (ie: let your world spiral more and more into lax morals, eccentric hedonism and valueless ideals, until it culminates in the total destruction of your entire nation).  Use a little economy when picking out your swears; maybe save them for when you accidentally slam your finger in a door or when the sky is falling.

<end rant\>